CHILDHOOD NEIGHBOR, LIFELONG FRIEND - THE VALUE OF NEIGHBORING

 

Pat and Deana, December 2023, spending time with Pat's family

Pat and Deana at Sibley Hall, Lindenwood University
December 2023, remembering the late 1970's.
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Meeting a neighbor and investing time in getting to know them has the possibility of lasting a lifetime. The possibility of making a difference.

60 years ago, my mom, brothers, and I moved into old town St. Charles, Missouri. Soon, Pat and I met as our backyards were across the alley from one another. The 3-year age difference did not matter. Pat and I both had 3 siblings. We spent a lot of time at each other’s houses and got to know each other’s families. Our birthdays are 2 days apart. For many years, Pat’s mother invited me over for dinner on the day between our birthdays. She fixed my favorite meal, baked a cake, and gave me presents. Her parents were kind to me and always made me feel welcome. We had a lot of fun. Even when Pat was in high school, she never forgot me, her junior high school friend. We had adventures together, which we laugh about still! My family endured two tragedies during my junior high years, and she was there for me.

When Pat graduated from high school, she moved to Columbia to live and work while her sister attended college. As a new driver, one of my first trips was to visit Pat and her sister. We still share stories about that visit!

Pat met a man, got married, moved out of state, had kids, got a job, and our communications dwindled while we navigated our young adult lives. From time to time, I made the effort to track her down to talk. In the years without conversations, I missed her. When her father died in 2014, she returned to Missouri to attend her father’s funeral. I was there and we have stayed in touch since.

Pat eventually moved to the southern United States. In 2018, we spent a week together in Missouri, while she attended a family wedding. In 2019, I spent a week with Pat at her home. Two weeks ago, we spent time together in Missouri to attend her sister’s memorial service which took place on their brother & sister-in-law’s farm. These visits included miles of driving, some parts of the journey together, and some solo. Rather than either one of us flying, we took the opportunity to have hours of travel time together to reminisce, plan, enjoy the scenery, and talk about our family members. While she was in Missouri, we visited with her other sister and family and spent time with her brother & sister-in-law, people I have known as long as I have known Pat. It was fun to become reacquainted with family members.

Very few people in my life knew my dad, or (one of) my brothers, who died while I was in junior high school. Pat knew them. There is just something special about talking with someone who knows your history and your people.

As a part of my work, I talk and write about the value of knowing your neighbors. The recent time with Pat reminded me that our relationship started because we were neighbors. When I think of important people from childhood, her parents and siblings are high on my list. It has been a life full-circle experience. It is a reminder to me to look for opportunities to connect and communicate with neighbors. People living near you have the potential to become a part of your life, for life. They have the potential to be there for you when you need them the most. 

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